Despite the humor, the blog, that I've become a public hard of hearing and go there talking about this, I still find it difficult to be me.
To this day I think the most complicated with what I have to face every day is to explain the fact that yes, I hear a lot (with the headset, no headset, nothing), I can hold conversations, I talk on the phone, I listen to music with headphones, but that much all that I hear, I do not understand.
understand that the other is almost impossible to understand, although entry says it understands. (Once a psychologist told me a hundred times you can tell that you are hard of hearing people, and I will say that everything is OK, no problem, but I really did not know what I mean.) I mean ... if I hear if the sounds come to my ear, how come I can not tell what I hear?
When I was in Chaco, in the Forum for Reading, a couple of months, I heard so loud the voices of those who exhibited in the roundtables, which to me I had trouble accepting that he could not understand a single word what they said.
I pulled the headset (maybe the fault was the volume). I put it back. I focused on the mouths of the speakers (but they were far and the place was quite dark). She closed her eyes and tried to separate the sounds, make sense, and nothing. Kept hearing those voices, I could even tell if they were male or female, but I got no words.
How to explain?
How to explain that I speak perfectly well? What I have no "oral symptom" of deafness? It's the first thing people tell me to know, "but you speak well."
guess the other expects from me any sign that says "deafness." How
explain that, although hardly hear loud noises bother me more than the normal hearing? What about the loud music may provoke an attack of hysteria?
How to explain that during the whole day and night Blessed my ears ring for themselves, and that makes me crazy? And maybe, just maybe, be allowed to be a bit more "nervous" than the rest?
How, again and again and again that if we are three or four at the table I can participate to win, but if we suddenly canceled so loud? What math is used for that?
How to explain that there comes a time when I would not, no I can, listen to anything else, I do not see your lips, do not want to pay more attention?
How to explain that I do what I can, I dedicate myself to what I know, and that does not make me an example of anything? Why I am expected to "sell" an ideal of self-improvement and triumph over adversity?
I defend myself. Let me explain. I justify. I studied a lot to teach the other. Define what is bone conduction hearing in order to understand why I hear my voice well and keep it. I speak of the resonance produced by the skull. Explain in detail the characteristics of hair cells and the "false contact" that occur when they get sick and that translates in tinnitus endless. And why does it have the normal protection against loud noises. Explain the difference between middle ear hearing loss and inner ear, and hear and understand. I speak of the auditory nerve, the cochlea and the sea by car.
And yet ...
How is it that so hard every day so much?
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